Derailed by Distraction?

“I pulled a Lucy again,” my friend Cathy joked the other day, a reference to the TV character of old whose antics constantly confounded her husband, Ricky, and who occasionally reminds us of ourselves. “I had another ADD moment! I went to go out and I got in the car, I started it, forgot my list inside and went back to the house to get it, the phone rang, I answered it, and well, you know the rest! An hour and a half later, I was looking for my purse and remembered it was in the car, and I went out and found the car still running in the driveway!”

And so it sometimes goes for those of us with ADHD, who find ourselves suddenly distracted from the task at hand and winding our way from one activity or idea to the next, “like somebody is clicking a remote control and switching the thought process in your mind,” as one of my clients put it.

Cathy and I are lucky, though. We joke about what we sometimes do because we can joke. When we give in to distractions, we know how to pull ourselves back. We acknowledge our ADHD tendencies, and we’re able to recognize when we wander off course. We’re beyond the dysfunction that led to our respective diagnoses long ago, and we accept moments like Cathy’s latest “adventure” as part of what living with ADHD means. We can laugh about things we do because (1) we already know we are not our ADHD – we’ve separated ourselves from this sporadic behavior, and (2) we have strategies and structures in place to keep us on track. Our occasional wanderings don’t define us in our own or in other people’s minds.

DISTRACTIBILITY

When they say they’re distracted, most people mean that they’re temporarily unable to focus or concentrate, a situational condition that will pass when the factors underlying it change. When ADHD individuals are distracted, however, their condition is ongoing, a brain anomaly that leaves them unable to screen out competing stimuli or hold their focus on something long enough to do anything with it. Distractibility is a condition with which they live, a particularly troublesome one given a culture that appears bent on aggravating it.

Sometimes it seems that one would have to live out a vow of silence in a monastic cell somewhere not to be on sensory overload, scattered and frenzied and off in a million directions. As a people, we’re wired and connected, clicking our way through the days, and for all the ways in which technology serves us, it also manages to keep us at its mercy. There’s a constant demand from this technology-driven environment to shift attention quickly and often, to shift and shift again, so we have little time or impetus to think, let alone think deeply, about anything. The minute we try to focus on one thing, a light flashes or a ring-tone sounds or a buzzer vibrates, and off we go to answer the call of what’s next.

How to keep up, we wonder? How to be everywhere, yet feel nowhere? So many devices, so little eye contact; so many rushed emails and voicemails, so little thought-provoking dialogue; so much noise, so little meditative silence. Who even knows what to do with quiet these days, except turn up the volume to drown out the discomfort of a solitary thought: What am I missing?

Most of us are stretched to the breaking point, with so many demands on our time and so many people wanting so many things from us, that without the wires of interconnectedness, we fear we’ll fall behind. And where will we be then, we wonder. Who’ll get the edge if we turn down the volume and disconnect?

To one degree or another, everybody is rushed, everybody is scattered, everybody has those miles to go before sitting back and taking stock. The wonder is that somehow, despite their hectic and crazy lifestyles, most people manage to get on with the business of doing what they have to do, and still remain in control of their lives.

Then again, most people aren’t living with ADHD.

There’s a difference in the degree and the frequency to which individuals with ADHD are susceptible to all the distractions out there, and there’s a major difference in the consequences of their behavior. They start off with a compromised ability to stay on task, and the demands of the click-click, push-button world make everything worse. “Oh, well, everybody feels this way,” doesn’t apply to them. ADHD individuals know full well that that everybody does not feel out of control the way they do. What they don’t know is what to do about it.

TRY THESE STRATEGIES

You can create strength-based strategies for dealing with distraction. I’ve had clients who write on their bathroom mirrors with dry erase markers to remind them of their priorities for that week, and others who pretend to be taking notes during meetings to stay alert. Try any of the following, adapting them to your own needs and style.

Filter out background noise to enhance focus.

Distractible individuals are overly responsive to both the external stimuli of their environment and the internal stimuli of their own thought process. They act on the stimuli, jumping from thing to thing or thought to thought, captive to every whim and fancy.

Be honest about the kind of environment that suits you. To avoid getting carried away and lost, you might have to put yourself in a setting that is completely free of distractions — nothing on the walls, no music or ringing phones, total quiet.

Find the right place that works for you.

If you know that working in a totally quiet space doesn’t help you concentrate, then give yourself permission to go to a café or a coffee shop, someplace that has a bit of a “buzz” in the background. Many of my clients leave the office for a while and go to such a place to work on a particular project. They say that the “buzz” helps to activate their brain to screen out the background noise so they can focus.
Use music to stay on track.

When I need to put in several hours of writing, I have one CD that I play over and over again. I only use this particular CD to write to. I’ve trained myself to sit down and start to work as soon as it begins playing. It took a while, but it works! Try it!

Be aware of the passing of time.

Wear a sports watch, and set it to beep every hour on the hour to help you “hear the passing of time.” When it beeps, stop and do a self-check. Ask yourself, “Am I doing what I am supposed to be doing?”
Create self-accountability every hour on the hour.

To make sure you stay on course and focus on what you need to be doing—and to learn to be accountable to yourself—take a post-it or a blank piece of paper and write down the three tasks you will complete over the next hour. At the end of the hour, throw away the piece of paper or post-it, and write down your next three to-do items on a new sheet. These need to be concrete and doable, things like “call Charlie” or “water plants” or “mail letter.” Knowing that you have to complete the tasks within the designated time will keep you moving so that you don’t hyper-focus on one activity to the exclusion of the others on your list.

Park it!

Whenever you get the urge to veer off course, park it. Designate a notebook or an electronic file for those extraneous thoughts that pop up. Get them out of your head and onto a piece of paper, delegate them to another time and day, and keep going! This way you feel as though you’ve acted on whatever it was, so it’s out of your head and therefore out of your mind!

If you’re someone who often complains that great ideas come to you in the middle of meetings or when you’re concentrating on something else, you can capture those ideas by writing them down as they occur to you. This helps you gain more control over your creative ideas and your impulsiveness, and it provides a way to follow up on your many great ideas.

Make it a personal policy not to make stops en route.

Many of my clients, already on the verge of being late for a meeting or appointment, will decide to make a quick stop at a store or run a quick errand on the way. History, of course, will tell you the consequences of these actions: getting stressed, being even later, missing your appointment altogether, disappointing others, and beating yourself up for repeating the same mistake over and over again.

Post a sign on your dashboard that says DON’T STOP! If you walk or use public transportation, stick a post-it on your wallet reminding you to GO DIRECTLY TO WORK or GO DIRECTLY HOME! And do what it says!

Avoid those traps!

Don’t fool yourself into thinking, “Oh, I can read one more e-mail before I leave for my appointment,” or, “I can do X, Y, Z really quickly before I go.” Don’t listen to that voice inside your head! It will only get you into trouble. “Just one more minute” doesn’t give you more time; it only makes you late. If you know, for example, that e-mail distracts you, use a timer to signal you to turn off your computer an hour before your appointment.

Beware of “see do.”

Most of my clients respond well to their immediate physical environment, meaning they get caught in what they call the “see-do” cycle and forget their designated priorities. They answer each e-mail that comes in, for instance, or notice dry plants and begin watering, or look for a snack and start cleaning out the refrigerator.

If this describes you, set up visual cues to keep you on track. Post signs to yourself like, “Complete project X by 5:00,” or create a screen saver to scroll across your computer screen saying, “Where Is Project X?” For longer-term goals and follow-through, you might want to post a calendar over your desk or in your kitchen with the due dates clearly marked in neon colors.

Distinguish the NOW from the NOT NOW.

Ask yourself, "Does this have to be done by today?" If it doesn’t, type or write it into your calendar with the date by which it needs to be done. Then you know that for now, it's dealt with.  If you follow this process all the way through your list, you’ll be left with only the things that must be completed now!

One of my clients uses this strategy to help him prioritize his to-do lists so that he’s always working on the most important things on the list. He says it reduces his temptation to act on non-essential items, and best of all, it keeps him honest.

“If I have a long list to handle every day, I’m setting myself up for failure,” he said. “I’m lying to myself. I’ve promised myself a million times that I’ll finish the entire to-do list, but it's impossible. In the end, I look at all the undone items and feel demoralized…again. So I got rid of the lists, and it works for me, especially because nothing gets forgotten!”

Maybe his strategy will work for you!

Prepare ahead of time.

If you know you’re frequently late to appointments because you get distracted, prepare as much as you can the day before the appointment. Put the files you need in your briefcase, the PowerPoint files on your computer desktop, your coat by the door, and so on. Do anything you can to make it as easy as possible for you to simply grab what you need and run.

Use distractions as rewards.

Come up with a list of things you know will distract you, and use them as rewards. Plug these items in upon completion of a task or at the end of a designated time segment.

One client, for example, knew that computer games were definitely a distraction, so he scheduled playing a few into his work plan to keep him motivated. By saying, "If I work 1 hour on my report, I can spend 10 minutes on computer games," he was able to complete his reports.
Do whatever fits! For this strategy, you have to ask yourself, “Is the reward motivating enough to keep me working at my assigned task no matter how hard it is for me to stick with it?” You also have to be very careful that you keep the reward time limited. If not, it will become a distraction again, rather than a reward.


I’ve coached many clients with distraction issues, and while it hasn’t been easy, it really has been fun. The strategies that we’ve created might seem outrageous to other people, but I can say unequivocally that they’ve worked. Try your own, and be as creative as you want!


Warmly,
Nancy Ratey

Stop “Circling the Airport”: Procrastination, Part Two

“Productive procrastination” is a popular survival tactic among my clients. They enjoy feeling busy, and they fool themselves into thinking that of course they are busy, they’re not procrastinating, they’re getting so much accomplished, so how could anyone say they’re not working? They delude themselves into thinking, “Let me just do these other little things first. That way I’ll be able to focus completely on the important thing because I won’t have all this other stuff hanging over my head, so I’ll really do a better job.”

Procrastinators often wait to begin a task until they’ve run out of time, until they have painted themselves into that proverbial corner, literally creating the “high stakes” situation that their brains need. Part of the problem for those of us with ADHD is that the attention system of our brain is often “sleepy” or lethargic when not fully aroused, so we go from stimulus to stimulus, from issue to issue, seeking ever-immediate gratification and completely forgetting whatever it was that we were initially considering. We can’t sustain the interest and effort and ability to focus on a single issue that, as adults, we’re expected to have, so we’re on to the next idea before completing the original one.

We’re so easily lured into unrelated activities, in fact, that people suspect our motives, calling us irresponsible and lazy, undependable and even self-centered. Well, some us probably are, just like some people without ADHD are. We’re human, after all, so we’re subject to the same human flaws as everybody else. For years we’ve also been told we’re all those things, so some of us probably believe it, perpetuating the self-destructive myth even further. But for most of us, it’s not irresponsibility or laziness or selfishness that lies at the root of our behavior. It’s biology. And it’s usually compounded by a lack of understanding about how to compensate for it.

We’re called stress junkies with our need for high stimulation, but it’s that very stress that actually focuses us. With it, we somehow prioritize better. We can suddenly sequence the steps we need to follow, and we can sustain the effort we need to complete the task at hand. We can stop “circling the airport,” as one client put it, where “I see the target, I know that I’m circling, but I can’t seem to land.” With the right stress, we know that we can land, so we seek the stimulation that allows us to do what we must. Like anybody else, we like to feel good, and we choose reward over punishment every time. The problem comes when we feel good about the wrong things. Then the pleasure turns to pain when we realize we've disappointed those we love and failed to live up to our best intentions.

Although it sounds paradoxical, good stress and an aroused attention system help us make the decisions that usually frustrate us into avoidance. When we can’t imagine where to begin, we don’t begin at all, doing everything else that we can think of to avoid the pain of being overwhelmed. Last-second stress turns us on, though, and in the frenzy of the rush, we can suddenly make the choices that paralyzed us earlier. How many term papers were written that way, how many exams passed, how many guestrooms and bathrooms and patios renovated for guests about to arrive? Being out of time has always forced people into action, but those of us with ADHD have a whole personal history to remind us how we get by.

MORE STRATEGIES TO DEFEAT PROCRASTINATION

Here are some more strategies to try—but be sure to add your own personal touches to suit your own personal circumstances.

Co-coach your way forward.

Find someone who has similar goals, and work out a co-coaching relationship. Both of you, however, must be willing to do the following:
• Set up mutual goals and guidelines for the relationship.
• Be sure the co-coaching includes only what is appropriate. If it’s about work, stick to work issues.
• Be consistent in your contact with your coaching partner.
• Be honest and open to suggestions, and trust your coaching partner to have your best interests in mind.

Use a witness.

Clients often benefit from the mere presence of someone to help them start or complete a task. This seems to work well with tasks that have been put off for a long while or that are emotionally charged, such as doing the income taxes or clearing the house of clutter. Many of my clients don’t need the person to help them with the actual task. Just making the appointment and having them show up to sit in the same room with them is enough!

Use a model.

If you are asked to write a report or do a project and are stuck, get a sample or a model to work from. This will help you see the end product so you’ll know what is expected of you. It is a tangible way of having your goal in sight.

Match peak performance with priority projects.

Do you know your “peak performance” time of day? When do you get the most work done? When are you the most focused?

Know whether you’re a “morning,” an “afternoon,” or an “evening” person, and be sure to have your most important project in front of you at your best time. If you don’t, you’re apt to do a task of lesser importance, and exhaust your energy that way. I’ve had clients who were “morning” people but who ended up re-grouting their showers or balancing their checkbook during peak performance time. One devised a computer program that he wanted to market to banks, all the while putting his actual job in jeopardy.

You become the first thing you do in the morning.

A well-known author and friend of mine once said to me, “You become the very first thing you do in the morning,” meaning that if you do the thing that is most important to your career each morning, first thing, and if you make doing this a habit, you’ll be successful.

Take this advice to heart, as I did. It definitely worked for me when writing my book, and it has worked for many of my clients. It will work for you!

Make actions concrete.

Goals and plans are only wishes unless you establish a “when” for each individual step and action. Be specific on the breakdown of the steps you plan to take and the times you plan to do each one. Set a clear time and day for the completion of each.

Always have a back-up plan.

It’s typical for my clients to sabotage their first set of plans and then to give up completely. Don’t let that happen! When you mark out a schedule with start times and days to begin working on the project, set up several back-up times so you can’t escape starting work. For example, set a start time/day of Tuesday 11AM with a back up of Tuesday 2PM, and then the DO-OR-DIE start time/day of Tuesday 4PM.

Share your goals!

Tell someone about your goals for the day. Sharing what you want to do helps in making it happen! Accountability can create the necessary motivation, and help you to be more consistent.

Understand why you "circle the airport."

Some of my clients describe their tendency to avoid long-term projects as “circling the airport.” They know what they need to do, and they understand the importance of starting, but they just can’t seem to “land.” What ensues is a cycle of self-loathing that perpetuates the “circling.”

Understand what this is about. For some, it’s an issue of not knowing where to start. For others, it’s an issue of dreading what it will take to get the task completed—hours, if not days, of making up for having put it off. Simply knowing this can help you cut yourself off at the pass before you start to panic and circle again and again.

NEVER GIVE UP!
I end on the same note as last month. The only “best” strategies to defeat procrastination are the ones that work for you as an individual. The most effective strategies will probably be the ones you create on your own. Only a process of trial and error will reveal what works for you. Modify and customize these strategies until they are exactly right in your own life. 

Warmly,
Nancy Ratey

Procrastination and Adult ADHD

Who among us doesn’t love the luxury of an occasional lazy afternoon, putting off till tomorrow what we might have done today?

We all do, of course, but when people with ADHD procrastinate, they aren’t feeling momentarily lazy or giving in to a harmless, well-earned need to unwind. Procrastinating might qualify as a justifiable indulgence or a rare, sweet choice for the majority of people without ADHD, but for those living with it, there is nothing sweet about it. It comes layered with guilt and humiliation and an intuitive sense that you are letting others down.
For adults with ADHD, procrastination is a significant problem with a biological base, not an occasional reward for serious and consistent work or the result of a mood swing. And while you can learn to compensate for it, you can never change the biology in which your procrastination is rooted.

If you struggle with procrastination, you may find that working with an ADHD coach will help you to overcome this self-defeating behavior. Self-coaching with strategies that have helped others may also help you take control of your time, tasks, and talents. Try any of the following strategies as a start. Through trial and error, my clients and I have created all kinds of strategies, some of which might also give you ideas. Add your own personal touches to suit your own personal circumstances. Once the strategies begin to work, you can practice, practice, practice until they become new habits, a part of your brain's "machinery."


Keep the goal in mind.

One of the hardest struggles for my clients is keeping their goals in mind. If you can’t see your goals, you’ll be more likely to get off track. Devise methods to keep the goal in mind, and to see, and track, progress. Mark your goals with colored markers on a monthly calendar and post it where you will see it throughout the day, in the kitchen, perhaps, or over your workstation or desk.

Separate the set-up from the task.

Eliminate the confused feeling of “Where do I start?” by separating the set-up from the actual task. For example, place a blank word document with the title “Year End Report” on your computer desktop, but don’t start the report until later. You can do the same for paying bills by stamping and addressing envelopes at one time, but writing the checks and mailing them later. Doing the set-up as a separate task can make the task less daunting.


Establish and meet the minimal goal.

Start by defining the smallest possible goal that will accomplish something meaningful on the project or task. Call this the “minimal” goal and schedule a time to complete it. At the scheduled time, do only what you stated as minimal, even if it’s simply opening up a file and looking at the project for 10 minutes! That’s what I mean by minimal! This allows you to approach a tiny aspect of the project without becoming overwhelmed.


Limit time spent on making plans.

Do you tend to spend hours making detailed plans with the best of intentions, but never seem to get around to implementing them? Set a timer for 10 minutes, and allow yourself to write down only the basic things you need to do, not every single detail. Work on daily goals rather than scheduling every single minute. Then get moving!


Use rewards as good stress.

Most of my clients work well under pressure, so try to use this insight in a positive way. Set a lunch or dinner date with a friend, or plan to go to a movie. Tell your friend you can’t go until you’ve finished three hours of work on your project, or until you’ve cleaned your house, for example, and say that if you don’t finish, you must cancel. This is not meant to be a punitive exercise, but one to fire you up to get the work done.


Create false deadlines.

If you’re avoiding starting a long-term project, find someone you respect (and fear a little!) and set several mini-deadlines for handing in parts of the work. It can be your supervisor, boss, or a trusted advisor. For example, tell them, “I’ll turn in a draft of the first part of the report by next week.”

Many times this false deadline can stimulate you enough to get the work done. This strategy needs to be used carefully because it’s meant to create positive energy, not make you more stressed, so be realistic and don’t over-promise!


Beware of "productive procrastination."

A majority of my clients fool themselves into thinking they’re being productive by getting other projects of lesser importance off their plates first. Generally speaking, they can be incredibly productive doing everything BUT what they are supposed to be doing!

Beware! You are fooling yourself! Understand that much of this has to do with a sense of immediate gratification! See it for what it is. Use those small projects as rewards for actually working on your most immediate priority.


Remember the pain of the past.

A typical pattern my clients fall into is saying to themselves, “Let me clear my desk of other work first, then carve out time over the weekend for project X,” when history dictates that every time they do this, they put X off until the night before it’s due. This tactic might have worked in high school, but you know it’s not serving you anymore. Know that your brain will fool you in the moment and convince you that this time you’ll actually accomplish it. Ask others around you to remind you of the pain of the past. It’s one way you can stop this self-destructive cycle.


Create “safe” high stakes for yourself.

People with ADHD often wait until they’ve boxed themselves into the corner before they finally start a project. I know this about myself, so I’ve used the knowledge to my advantage. I take my laptop computer and drive to a parking lot or to a park bench. I turn on my computer and basically play a game of chicken with myself. I sit there staring at the battery drain, and without fail, when it hits 73%, my brain kicks in and I start to write like a maniac until the battery drains. Then I head home. Doing this always guarantees me roughly two hours of writing.


Keep daily lists.

Keep it simple in the beginning. Start the day by writing down your primary goal. At the end of the day, list as many things as you remember doing that day, and put a check next to each one that was connected to your goal. It will give you a clear picture of the relationship of your goals to your actions. It will also show you the kinds of things that pull you off course, so you can learn to identify barriers.


It bears repeating that the only “best” strategies are the ones that work for you individually, so the strategies that are most effective will probably be the ones you create on your own. If something seems “almost there,” modify it until it’s exactly right in your own life. And don’t forget that trial and error will reveal what’s best—which means don’t give up!

Warmly,
Nancy Ratey

Tips for Daily Self-Management

For me, trying to self-manage and get through a day with ADHD is equivalent to corralling a herd of wild stallions. I have to remain vigilant at ALL times. I have to remind myself that I have ADHD, self-observe, and use what I call my “survival” strategies. If I don’t, I’ll be left to my own devices—racing across the savannah headed who knows where!

Over the years I’ve learned that these strategies form the foundation that keeps me tethered and allows me to accomplish my goals for each day.

Stay focused—PARK IT!

To combat the racing thoughts that come with ADHD, create a method to “park” them. This could be texting or emailing reminders to yourself, using recording devices, or jotting them down on paper. My preferred method is paper. I keep paper everywhere—in my car, purse, kitchen, bedroom, office, bathroom, on the stairs, by the front door, the garage door. Even when I exercise, I carry paper and pen. By parking it, I won’t forget the thought, obsess about forgetting, or act on it—I’ve parked it and can act on it later!

Keep the day manageable

My motto is, “If your daily list/goals gets bigger than a post-it, you have too much on your plate.” And my post-its are the three-inch by three-inch ones (not the three feet by five feet flipchart-sized post-its).

Visualize yourself in time and space

At the beginning of each year, I print out the next twelve months—one month per sheet. I post them across the wall and fill in ONLY “big ticket” items such as conferences, vacations, or anything out of my regular routine, doctor appointments, visitors, and so forth. As each month goes by, I draw a huge ‘X” through it. This way I can conceptualize time passing, the future and events to come.

Smooth out transitions

Transitions are the bane of my existence. If I do not know what is coming up next I become anxious, panic and at times end up becoming paralyzed. To prevent this, I do the following:

• As far in advance as possible I collect, organize and set out everything I need ahead of time for projects, trips, or getting in the car to do errands.
• I then post notes, such as: “Nancy, remember, conference in 2 weeks!” or “Go to bank at 3 pm!”

Keep perspective

Anyone who has ADHD knows that life can be like a rollercoaster ride—there are ups and there are downs. The problem is we can become very myopic and convince ourselves during the down times that things will never get better. I’ve learned to appoint two to three trusted, longtime friends who know me well to give me a reality check. They remind me I have ADHD, that I tend to think catastrophically, that I tend to forget the positive things, and that within a few hours or by the next day I will have forgotten about it and be “back to normal.”

Manage meals

Set the table the night before. Pre-prepare any ingredients ahead of time—chop any vegetables ahead of time and put them in plastic baggies so all you have to do is throw them in the mix.

Remember to take things to the car when running errands—including your to-do list!

Tape or clip your car keys to whatever it is! Packages, letters, to-do lists, dry cleaning, and so forth.

Manage finances

Use one, and only one, credit card to charge everything, and ONLY do online paperless bills and banking.

Keep track of important things

I always tell someone else where I've hidden a spare key or put an important document. History demonstrates that I'll always forget, no matter how important it is. I also photocopy of all contents of my wallet, in case I ever lose it.

Organize papers

Don't sweat the small stuff! I clump things in categories. Any similar projects get clumped together. Conferences, bills, client work, health, office equipment, etc., get filed into a file cabinet and ONLY "active" projects stay on my desktop, either in wire baskets or expandable flex file folders so I can carry them around with me and work on them in different places.

I hope you’ll find these tips helpful. Until next month,

Warmly,

Nancy

Change Takes Time

I think New Year’s resolutions are a bad idea, a total set-up for failure for people with ADHD. There never is such a thing as turning a new leaf just like that.

“It’s funny how clear things are becoming since we started this coaching,” a client once told me. “I can see now that I’ve always had a remarkable unconscious repertoire of behaviors to accommodate for the problems in my personal and professional life. None of them have been particularly healthy, and most of them are downright self-defeating. Mainly, I had to make sure people held me in impossibly high regard, but would fondly excuse me from any concrete expectations.”

And then he added an observation so rich in insight that it can affect your self-coaching journey, as well: “Only because I’ve slowed down enough to think about what I’d been doing—to reflect—can I see this. And I think taking the necessary time has been the real difference in making the changes I listed as my goals way back when we started. I know everything in life seems ridiculously fast-paced, but I still wonder why so few people understand the concept of time when it comes to change.”

What he was referring to is the incontrovertible truth about changing your life. As you self-coach, you cannot judge a strategy’s success or failure after one or two attempts at implementing it. You have to take time to let it work, and you have to take time to evaluate whether it’s working. The symptoms of your ADHD and the goals you hope to accomplish might be vastly different from my client’s, but the responsibility of evaluating your progress belongs to both of you.

Coaching, remember, is a process, and the changes you seek don’t happen instantly, but incrementally over time, sometimes a very long time. Because success requires commitment, and because the strategies you design are as individual as your individual needs, trial and error is an inherent, and time-dependent, part of the process. As you self-initiate change, you have to evaluate constantly whether the strategies and structures you’ve created serve your goals. If you’re heading steadily toward where you eventually want to be, then your strategy is apparently a good one and you can continue to leave it in place. But if you’re falling behind or slipping off course, you’ll have to make a correction.

Evaluate your plan

That’s what evaluating means: Judging or appraising the success of your plan and strategy, and acting, or reacting, accordingly.

Sometimes modifying a plan is easier said than done for individuals with ADHD, not because they can’t think of another strategy, but because they haven’t taken the time to analyze what is wrong, and right, with the original one. One of my clients, for example, knew how quickly she would become impatient when she didn’t get immediate results. “I could feel myself getting in a panic or a frenzy,” she told me, “and I’d wind up just ditching the entire plan. I never knew how to look at individual parts of it, so I never really knew which parts might be working and which parts weren’t. I’d get so frustrated that I’d just give up on everything.”

Through coaching, she understood the importance of acknowledging her history of impatience in order to counteract it. In her notebook, she began to track her progress with the plan on which she was currently working, addressing specific structures within it. By slowing down to analyze discrete elements of her plan, she could evaluate each separately and then make the necessary changes, rather than give up entirely on what might, with a few adjustments, have been workable and successful.

The following questions can help you assess your progress:

• What is working in my plan? Try to identify specific progress using this strategy, such as specific actions you’re now taking.
• Why is it working? If you can identify why it works, you can use the information in creating other strategies.
• What measures or system can I use to track my progress?
• If something is not working, what about it isn’t? Can you isolate one thing that isn’t?
• What can I do about it? Have you perhaps selected the wrong day to pay your bills? A simple change could make all the difference for you!
• When will I do it? A goal must have a specific start date, or it is merely a wish. Set a date to begin!
• What is my commitment level? On a scale of 1, lowest, to 5, highest, rank your commitment. Remember that it has to be high if you’re going to succeed!
• How can I remember my commitment to my goal? How can you engineer your environment to help you? What visual or auditory cues can you use?

Keeping track of your progress and adjusting your strategy along the way are essential to success, so go back to these questions regularly. But precisely how often you must re-evaluate your plan is impossible to answer, for just as there is no one-size-fits-all strategy, neither is there a one-size-fits-all timeline.

If you have ADHD, your biology complicates your life. Remembering your goal for the future—whether it’s the next ten minutes, hours, days, or months—can be affected. So can remembering the pain of past behaviors and patterns. Short-term goals are always best, and you have to make sure the goals or resolutions you choose are ones you truly want and ones that are meaningful to you.

We need to always have a plan, a goal, a vision, a path, a place toward which we are moving. We need to see the steps and see where we are in space and time. That means posting a calendar with important deadlines and dates so we can see them in the context of the day, week, month and year. And we need to post the calendar somewhere where we will see it all the time. Some people even cross out each day as it passes to see time "encroaching" on their goals and deadlines.

But remember, at times, we can plan, plan, plan—and get completely caught up in planning. Or become rigid, committed to the plan and not the process. Life is a process, and it unfolds in mysterious ways. As a very close friend once told me, there is no script for life—always make room for and expect the unexpected.

Warmly,

Nancy

And To All—A Good Night’s Sleep!

Personal health is often a low priority for people with ADHD. Lack of organizational skills and an inability to prioritize make it difficult to establish and maintain the structures and routines needed to sustain good health habits. Because staying healthy has a positive effect on everyone—especially people with ADHD—it needs to be a goal, and strategies for achieving and sustaining a healthy lifestyle need to be incorporated into your life.

But even if you’re determined to live a healthy lifestyle, along come the holidays to interfere with established routines. For many people, it becomes even more difficult to keep up with things like getting enough sleep, exercising and eating regularly, eating healthy foods, taking medications regularly, and keeping up on personal hygiene.

Sleep can become especially challenging during this busy and sometimes overly exciting time of year. But it’s estimated that up to 80 percent of people with ADHD experience sleep problems anyway, even when it’s not the holiday season. You can find a lot more information on this subject in the article by Gina Pera, “ADHD Never Sleeps, But Children and Adults with ADHD Can,” in the December 2010 issue of CHADD’s Attention magazine.

Here are a few strategies I recommend to my clients that can help at any time of year. You may find them particularly helpful now when there’s even more temptation to burn that midnight oil.

Create (and stick to) wind-up and wind-down routines.

Waking up on time hinges on going to bed on time and getting a good night’s rest. Set routines to help you “wind up” in the morning and “wind down” at night. They can consist of anything from showering and watching the nightly news each night, or having coffee and reading the paper each morning. The idea is to ritualize the routines you have created around getting up and going to bed.

Wake up and go to bed at set times.

Establishing consistent times for sleeping and waking really works! Don’t keep irregular hours, even on the weekends—especially during the holidays. Wake up and go to bed at the same time each day. This will increase the quality of your sleep by letting your body enter into a rhythm, and help to de-stress you by knowing when your day starts and ends. Not everyone requires the same amount of sleep, but consistency is the key, so establish a routine and stick to it.

Know what your traps are.

Problems with transitions can contribute to the struggle of going to bed and waking up. Because people with ADHD struggle with ending one activity and starting another, it’s important for you to know your traps and be vigilant in avoiding them. If you know that talking on the phone, watching TV, or checking e-mail keeps you up past your bedtime, post signs reminding you to stick to your schedule. For example, don’t allow yourself to go on the computer or answer the phone past nine o'clock at night. Ask for help from those around you so they know not to distract you from your goal. I had one client who knew he would sit and read for hours in his home office, losing track of time, so he bought light timers and set them to turn off all the lights in his office, jolting him into closing his book and going to bed.

Set a bedtime alarm.

Use a wristwatch with an alarm or set an alarm clock in your home to go off one hour before bedtime so you have time to get ready.

Have a system for waking up and staying up.

Always have a back-up system—use three alarms if necessary! Set one in the bedroom, one in the bathroom, and one in the kitchen. If you turn off the one by your bed, you’ll still have the other two ringing, forcing you to get up and turn them off. Or switch off with a friend, calling each another in the morning, and commit to it. The buddy system works.

Other strategies some of my clients use involve their senses: pre-setting their coffeemaker to go off so the aroma can reach them, or purchasing alarm clocks with dawn lights that gradually fill the room with bright light. Some even sleep with their shades open so the morning light will wake them up.

 
Whether you're trying to stay on a healthy track this season, or just beginning to recognize how good health habits improve your ability to manage ADHD, I hope you'll find these strategies helpful. Here's to healthy and happy holidays!
 
Warmly,
Nancy

Part Two: More Strategies for Maintaining Spiritual and Mental Wellness

Ever notice what happens when you don’t adhere to personal boundaries, curb impulsivity, or keep emotions and negative tapes in check? If you, like many people affected by ADHD, face challenges in these areas, you may find it difficult to maintain spiritual and mental wellness. When you give support to your internal life, you improve your “external” life as well. This month I will share seven more strategies that can help you maintain your “inner” health.

1. Hold yourself back. Learn to say NO!

The word “yes” flies out of our mouths way too often, and we end up over-committing and stretching ourselves way too thin. Each day, say “no” to something, no matter how big or small, so you get comfortable saying it. Create a variety of dialogues that will help you hold yourself back from various situations. For instance, if your friend or colleague asks you to make plans for the upcoming weekend, say, “I’d like to give this some more thought before I commit. Can you check back with me tomorrow?”

2. Keep perspective. Be comfortable in the grey zone.

In times of crisis or stress, your sense of clarity can be skewed and the desire to make things “black or white” can be very compelling. Be sure to be flexible with yourself and others. Allow yourself time to be in the “grey zone,” especially if there is a crisis that is out of your control, like a death or divorce. Recovery can’t be forced, so let your emotion run its course. In time, the fog will lift, and your energy and clarity will return.

3. Journal your emotions.

If you frequently deal with “runaway emotions” or “negative tapes,” you probably get locked onto thoughts or issues, unable to let go. By keeping a problem-solving log, you can defuse emotions by distinguishing what they are and what they are associated with. Write in the log whenever your emotions are preventing you from moving forward. The log can lead you through a series of questions that you ask yourself, such as, “What specific situation triggered my sadness?” “What specific action did I take in the situation?” “What could I have done differently?” “What specific action can I take now?” Answering questions like these can help you step back, see the issue in perspective, and recognize that you have the power to deal with it. This helps you let go of the feelings you are overwhelmed by, gain a new perspective, and move on.

4. Plan in advance for potential emotional upheavals.

To help prevent or minimize emotional upheavals, make detailed plans for any times you find potentially volatile, such as holidays or unstructured time. Write out or go over dialogues in your head of what you will say in particular situations and how you will say it. Have an “escape” plan. For example, I have a client who gets in her car and goes to sit in a parking lot for a little while to take a break from the traditional Christmas Day celebration with her extended family each year. She returns renewed and more able to participate in the holiday festivities.

5. Create a history and future for yourself.

Keep a journal of past accomplishments, future goals, and plans. Review it regularly. Typically, individuals with ADHD live in the moment, which lends itself to a host of problems: not thinking of consequences before acting on thoughts; forgetting past accomplishments as well as past failures; not thinking of the impact of current choices on a future goal, even a short-term one. The feeling of being perpetually trapped in the present can often lead to feelings of emptiness and lack of direction. Having a list of past accomplishments can help to shift your focus to the success you’ve already achieved. It can also encourage you to believe that you can succeed again and achieve what you set out to do!

6. Beware of let-downs after completing big projects or accomplishments.

Many of my clients immediately go into a depression after they complete a large project. All of a sudden the pressure is off and nothing seems exciting or relevant. Know this can happen, and put a plan in place to compensate for the downtime. For example, immediately after I completed the Boston Marathon, I couldn’t escape the sense of “I haven’t done anything with my life; I’m a total loser.” To counter this, I put together a photo album of the marathon and started sharing my recent “win” with everyone so it would stay alive in my mind and help me remember that I wasn’t a “loser.”

7. Take a daily inventory.

Take time each day to reflect on your life and how you are living it. What do you want to change? What will it take? What are you willing to give up to get there? How were you of service today? How can you live a more purposeful life? Asking yourself these questions at the end of each day will help you focus on the things you can and cannot change in your life. That way you can begin to focus more on the positive instead of the negative.

These strategies and the ones I wrote about last month have made a difference for many of my clients who cope with ADHD. If one doesn’t work for you, try another. The key is to find something that helps you keep yourself in balance, use it for as long as it works, and try something new when you need to.

Warmly,

Nancy