Tips for Daily Self-Management

For me, trying to self-manage and get through a day with ADHD is equivalent to corralling a herd of wild stallions. I have to remain vigilant at ALL times. I have to remind myself that I have ADHD, self-observe, and use what I call my “survival” strategies. If I don’t, I’ll be left to my own devices—racing across the savannah headed who knows where!

Over the years I’ve learned that these strategies form the foundation that keeps me tethered and allows me to accomplish my goals for each day.

Stay focused—PARK IT!

To combat the racing thoughts that come with ADHD, create a method to “park” them. This could be texting or emailing reminders to yourself, using recording devices, or jotting them down on paper. My preferred method is paper. I keep paper everywhere—in my car, purse, kitchen, bedroom, office, bathroom, on the stairs, by the front door, the garage door. Even when I exercise, I carry paper and pen. By parking it, I won’t forget the thought, obsess about forgetting, or act on it—I’ve parked it and can act on it later!

Keep the day manageable

My motto is, “If your daily list/goals gets bigger than a post-it, you have too much on your plate.” And my post-its are the three-inch by three-inch ones (not the three feet by five feet flipchart-sized post-its).

Visualize yourself in time and space

At the beginning of each year, I print out the next twelve months—one month per sheet. I post them across the wall and fill in ONLY “big ticket” items such as conferences, vacations, or anything out of my regular routine, doctor appointments, visitors, and so forth. As each month goes by, I draw a huge ‘X” through it. This way I can conceptualize time passing, the future and events to come.

Smooth out transitions

Transitions are the bane of my existence. If I do not know what is coming up next I become anxious, panic and at times end up becoming paralyzed. To prevent this, I do the following:

• As far in advance as possible I collect, organize and set out everything I need ahead of time for projects, trips, or getting in the car to do errands.
• I then post notes, such as: “Nancy, remember, conference in 2 weeks!” or “Go to bank at 3 pm!”

Keep perspective

Anyone who has ADHD knows that life can be like a rollercoaster ride—there are ups and there are downs. The problem is we can become very myopic and convince ourselves during the down times that things will never get better. I’ve learned to appoint two to three trusted, longtime friends who know me well to give me a reality check. They remind me I have ADHD, that I tend to think catastrophically, that I tend to forget the positive things, and that within a few hours or by the next day I will have forgotten about it and be “back to normal.”

Manage meals

Set the table the night before. Pre-prepare any ingredients ahead of time—chop any vegetables ahead of time and put them in plastic baggies so all you have to do is throw them in the mix.

Remember to take things to the car when running errands—including your to-do list!

Tape or clip your car keys to whatever it is! Packages, letters, to-do lists, dry cleaning, and so forth.

Manage finances

Use one, and only one, credit card to charge everything, and ONLY do online paperless bills and banking.

Keep track of important things

I always tell someone else where I've hidden a spare key or put an important document. History demonstrates that I'll always forget, no matter how important it is. I also photocopy of all contents of my wallet, in case I ever lose it.

Organize papers

Don't sweat the small stuff! I clump things in categories. Any similar projects get clumped together. Conferences, bills, client work, health, office equipment, etc., get filed into a file cabinet and ONLY "active" projects stay on my desktop, either in wire baskets or expandable flex file folders so I can carry them around with me and work on them in different places.

I hope you’ll find these tips helpful. Until next month,

Warmly,

Nancy

Part Two: More Strategies for Maintaining Spiritual and Mental Wellness

Ever notice what happens when you don’t adhere to personal boundaries, curb impulsivity, or keep emotions and negative tapes in check? If you, like many people affected by ADHD, face challenges in these areas, you may find it difficult to maintain spiritual and mental wellness. When you give support to your internal life, you improve your “external” life as well. This month I will share seven more strategies that can help you maintain your “inner” health.

1. Hold yourself back. Learn to say NO!

The word “yes” flies out of our mouths way too often, and we end up over-committing and stretching ourselves way too thin. Each day, say “no” to something, no matter how big or small, so you get comfortable saying it. Create a variety of dialogues that will help you hold yourself back from various situations. For instance, if your friend or colleague asks you to make plans for the upcoming weekend, say, “I’d like to give this some more thought before I commit. Can you check back with me tomorrow?”

2. Keep perspective. Be comfortable in the grey zone.

In times of crisis or stress, your sense of clarity can be skewed and the desire to make things “black or white” can be very compelling. Be sure to be flexible with yourself and others. Allow yourself time to be in the “grey zone,” especially if there is a crisis that is out of your control, like a death or divorce. Recovery can’t be forced, so let your emotion run its course. In time, the fog will lift, and your energy and clarity will return.

3. Journal your emotions.

If you frequently deal with “runaway emotions” or “negative tapes,” you probably get locked onto thoughts or issues, unable to let go. By keeping a problem-solving log, you can defuse emotions by distinguishing what they are and what they are associated with. Write in the log whenever your emotions are preventing you from moving forward. The log can lead you through a series of questions that you ask yourself, such as, “What specific situation triggered my sadness?” “What specific action did I take in the situation?” “What could I have done differently?” “What specific action can I take now?” Answering questions like these can help you step back, see the issue in perspective, and recognize that you have the power to deal with it. This helps you let go of the feelings you are overwhelmed by, gain a new perspective, and move on.

4. Plan in advance for potential emotional upheavals.

To help prevent or minimize emotional upheavals, make detailed plans for any times you find potentially volatile, such as holidays or unstructured time. Write out or go over dialogues in your head of what you will say in particular situations and how you will say it. Have an “escape” plan. For example, I have a client who gets in her car and goes to sit in a parking lot for a little while to take a break from the traditional Christmas Day celebration with her extended family each year. She returns renewed and more able to participate in the holiday festivities.

5. Create a history and future for yourself.

Keep a journal of past accomplishments, future goals, and plans. Review it regularly. Typically, individuals with ADHD live in the moment, which lends itself to a host of problems: not thinking of consequences before acting on thoughts; forgetting past accomplishments as well as past failures; not thinking of the impact of current choices on a future goal, even a short-term one. The feeling of being perpetually trapped in the present can often lead to feelings of emptiness and lack of direction. Having a list of past accomplishments can help to shift your focus to the success you’ve already achieved. It can also encourage you to believe that you can succeed again and achieve what you set out to do!

6. Beware of let-downs after completing big projects or accomplishments.

Many of my clients immediately go into a depression after they complete a large project. All of a sudden the pressure is off and nothing seems exciting or relevant. Know this can happen, and put a plan in place to compensate for the downtime. For example, immediately after I completed the Boston Marathon, I couldn’t escape the sense of “I haven’t done anything with my life; I’m a total loser.” To counter this, I put together a photo album of the marathon and started sharing my recent “win” with everyone so it would stay alive in my mind and help me remember that I wasn’t a “loser.”

7. Take a daily inventory.

Take time each day to reflect on your life and how you are living it. What do you want to change? What will it take? What are you willing to give up to get there? How were you of service today? How can you live a more purposeful life? Asking yourself these questions at the end of each day will help you focus on the things you can and cannot change in your life. That way you can begin to focus more on the positive instead of the negative.

These strategies and the ones I wrote about last month have made a difference for many of my clients who cope with ADHD. If one doesn’t work for you, try another. The key is to find something that helps you keep yourself in balance, use it for as long as it works, and try something new when you need to.

Warmly,

Nancy

Maintaining Spiritual and Mental Wellness - Seven Strategies

Maintaining a healthy mental or spiritual life is contingent upon balancing work with play, taking time for yourself, and giving back to the community. Failure to adhere to personal boundaries, to keep emotions and negative tapes in check, and to curb impulsivity can contribute to diminished spiritual and mental wellness. When you give support to your internal life, your external life will also be better. Here are seven strategies:

1. End the shame and blame.

The only way to stop blaming yourself for your ADHD is to learn as much as you can about it. If you can understand the neurobiological roots of ADHD, you will be better able to separate yourself from the disability and do something about it. The way to end the shame and to start to build self-esteem and move forward is to make friends with your brain and develop strategies to bridge gaps in performance.

2. Make a date with yourself.

Block out “sacred time” weekly to rejuvenate. Don’t allow anything to creep into this space. For example, if you’ve decided to use this time to read and relax, don’t allow yourself to clean your house instead because you have a day off. To help put boundaries around this sacred space, make a list of what is permitted in that space and time, and what is not. Post it! Review it and practice sticking to it!

3. When you say yes, you also mean no.

Often, we don’t think of the consequences of saying “yes.” Stop and think before committing. When you say “yes” to something, what are you saying “no” to? For example, if you say “yes” to doing an extra project at work or helping a friend move on a Saturday, are you saying “no” to spending more time with your family or to taking time to exercise? What are you saying “yes” to in your life? What are you saying “no” to? What is it costing you? Try to ensure that “yes” adds something to your life.

4. Identify your energy rhythms.

People with ADHD are often unaware of when their bodies are worn down. It’s important to learn not only what types of projects create energy for you, but also which ones drain energy. That way you can plan the most demanding activities during your peak energy times, as well as gauge when to stop working on a project and rest.

Keep a calendar or a log of your energy rhythms for a period of several weeks. This works best if the system is simple. For example, use a scale of plus or minus signs to depict high or low energy times, and write them beside different activities logged in a daily calendar.

5. Pre-plan for bad brain days.

Can’t concentrate? Distracted? My clients call this a “bad brain day.” For these days it’s important not to push yourself too hard and to have a failsafe plan in mind by knowing what works for you. Take a break and walk around the block, have a cup of tea, or call a friend. Then get back to work. One of my clients says he gives himself a “time out” by going to a café near work to just “sit and chill” for an hour. The key is to know when these days hit and take action by doing what works for you.

6. Practice relaxation exercises.

People with ADHD often live in a state of constant stress. It’s important to learn how to slow down and de-stress, both mentally and physically, at any given moment. Learn relaxation techniques and methods to center yourself at any given moment. Practice slow breathing techniques, or join a yoga or meditation class. If you are spiritual, make daily prayers a priority.

7. Give thanks.

One of my clients has made a habit of ending each day by writing down one thing for which she’s grateful. She does this right before bed each night as a way of reflecting on the day she’s just lived through, and a way of de-stressing before sleep. I’ve tried it, and I agree with her. It’s amazing how you can learn to accentuate the positive!

What do you do to keep yourself in balance? More strategies to come next month!

Warmly,

Nancy