Eight Strategies to Help You Get Moving

For many of us with ADHD, personal health is often a low priority. Lack of organizational skills and an inability to prioritize make it difficult to establish, implement, and maintain the necessary structures and routines to sustain good health habits over time. Things that seem simple for others—like getting enough physical exercise—become monumental tasks.

But exercise has such a positive effect on people with ADHD! Here are eight strategies that have helped me and many of the people I coach.

1. Do it for your brain’s sake! Knowing that exercise is good for your body is only half the story. Growing evidence shows the benefits of exercise to your brain. It’s simply foolhardy NOT to exercise these days with the amount of stress we endure, with or without ADHD. Forget about looking good. Make your goal feeling good!

2. Make it doable. All too often we set ourselves up for failure with goals that are way out of reach. If your goal is to exercise for one hour a day, seven days a week, don’t expect to fulfill that goal immediately. This “all or nothing” approach is a recipe for discouragement and failure. Be realistic and start slowly. The key is making the goal attainable, and to be able to do it on a regular basic.

3. Set a minimum and a maximum goal. Identify the absolute minimum you would require of yourself—say jogging one time per week. Next, identify the most realistic number of times per week you could jog, a number that you could reach without too much stress—say three times per week. Your exercise goal would then be jogging once a week, minimum, and three times a week, maximum. You’ll most likely meet your minimal weekly goal or even exceed the maximum goal. What a great feeling it is to exceed your personal goal!

4. Create accountability through partnerships. If you know that working in partnership works for you, and that doing things on your own doesn't, invest in a personal trainer. If you’re unable to do that, find other ways of accountability, like joining a running group or asking a friend who is a dedicated exerciser to join a class or gym with you. It’s sometimes harder to disappoint others than it is to disappoint ourselves.

5. Be prepared at all times. If you tend to skip exercising because of forgetting your gym bag, keep an extra one packed with exercise gear in the car and at your office, one that is always ready to go when you are. A personal favorite of mine is to sleep in my (clean) exercise clothes. When I wake up, I can’t escape remembering what I was going to do that morning—EXERCISE! I have my clothes on and I’m ready to go!

6. Keep a scorecard. Because the ADHD brain lives in the present, it’s easy to forget past accomplishments, even if they’re only a few days old. To combat this, make progress measurable by creating ways to track your progress. On the five days each week that he runs, for example, one of my clients writes on his calendar in black magic marker the number of miles he completes. Or you can use your calendar as a “scorecard.” Mark an "E-Y" (“Exercise-Yes”) on the days you exercise and an "E-N" (“Exercise-No”) on the days you don’t. The point is to see your progress and monitor whether or not you’re reaching your weekly and monthly goals. Essentially, you’re charting your own personal history of successes. The key is to make your tracking system visible and simple.

7. Adopt a “no excuses” attitude. Consider the time you have to exercise as an appointment with yourself and do not break it. When you travel, call ahead and find out the hours of the hotel gym. If you catch yourself negotiating with yourself about whether or not to exercise, stop and simply walk out the door to the gym. Even if you go for ten minutes, that’s a win.

8. Create flexible structures. I use a system of “structured flexibility” when it comes to exercise. It’s simple. I make sure I never miss more than two days in a row without exercising. I MUST go on that third day, no matter what. This guarantees me flexibility as well as exercising a minimum of two to three times per week without fail.

I hope these strategies will help you, too. If you have learned other strategies that work for you, please share them with the rest of us!

Warmly,
Nancy

Working Together When a Spouse or Partner Has ADHD

Does ADHD—your own or your partner's—impact your loving relationship with that person?

Tomorrow I will participate in an online Ask the Expert chat on the difficulties couples face when one or both of them have ADHD. I'll also offer strategies that can help improve the difficulties couples face when one or both of them have ADHD. The chat begins at 3 PM Eastern Standard Time and it's sponsored by CHADD and the National Resource Center on ADHD. To join, click here at about 2:45 and follow the instructions.

This short selection from my book, The Disorganized Mind, describes some of the things I've heard from clients.

Brad ran through a litany of his wife’s ADHD behavior when I asked him what living with her was like. “I have to prepare myself every time I walk in the house,” he said immediately. “It’s a perpetual soap opera. Will she be in tears because she hates herself today? Will she be laughing with a new best friend she just met at the market and dragged home? Will she even be home? Will there be smoke billowing from the kitchen from the latest dinner she’s burned? Will there even be dinner?” He often felt worn down by the patience her unpredictability required. “It’s hard not to lose it with her sometimes,” he said, “if you know what I mean.”

I do know. I’ve heard variations of his comments so often that I can almost write the script for them. “I communicate with him mostly by e-mail,” was how the wife of one client put it. “I’ve given up on expecting him to sit and have a conversation with me. He just gets up and walks out of the room. I swear I see his back more than his face!”

Even children weigh in on their parents’ ADHD. “I can understand how my parents got divorced,” one teenager told me, “but not how they got married in the first place. My dad is so normal but my mom is really crazy.” He was talking about his mother’s impulsive, distracted behavior, the way “she forgets things all the time, like me, even,” and the toll it had taken on the entire family.

Things don’t have to become intolerable. Families can learn to function, and function happily. Family members, like the individuals with ADHD themselves, can educate themselves and create strategies for coping. In many ways, it comes down to understanding and to expectations.

Even though they can appear self-absorbed and can definitely be exasperating to others, I have yet to meet anyone with ADHD who wants it that way. My clients haven’t wanted to use their ADHD as an excuse for inexcusable behavior, either. What they want is a way to work through the problems that their ADHD causes. They want family members to be there with them, everyone helping in whatever way possible to make the family unit strong. But just as families of those with physical diseases or addictions need advice and support from others in similar circumstances, people living with partners with ADHD also need to know how others cope.

Does any of this sound familiar? Has coaching helped? What strategies did you find helpful? Please share your stories!

Warmly,

Nancy

Getting There from Here: Easing Transitions with ADHD

A large part of my coaching is to help people identify their ADHD challenges and devise strategies to meet them. In order to do this, I explore the reasons why each person gets stuck. I have found that what appears to be procrastination or distraction may actually be a problem with making smooth transitions. The cues that it might be transition trouble is when my client says, “I get stressed and overwhelmed when I have to stop one task and move to the next” or “I can never seem to make it anywhere on time without having a meltdown in the process.”

Transitions require the brain to shift its focus and attention. The ADHD brain often overreacts to this discontinuity by going into a “startle” state, making the person anxious and stressed. Since I was young, I too have struggled with transitions, especially those that require me to travel. So I identified with Judy’s story when she came to me for help.

Judy loved her job, except when she had to travel. The thought of having to pack brought on panic attacks. She found it hard deciding what to take with her on a trip. She stayed up all night packing and repacking, a routine that repeated itself before each trip. Judy was so frazzled and exhausted with each transition that her performance at work suffered.

Through coaching, we developed some strategies to help make travel easier for her. First, we posted a calendar and wrote out her travel schedule so she could prepare her mind for the trip. By seeing when her next trip was, she was able to visualize the process and plan ahead. She developed a routine of putting the suitcase in the middle of her bedroom three days before each trip, which forced her to start packing. She also purchased a second set of toiletries and identified a standard set of “travel clothes,” so she didn’t have to make last-minute decisions about her wardrobe.

Timeliness was also a hurdle for Judy. She found it hard to go from one environment to another. She continually arrived late to work and became disorganized and anxious when leaving her office to attend meetings. Judy also found it hard to pull herself away from a task at the end of the day, fearful that if she stopped working on it, she would never “get her head back into the project.”

Her trouble with transitions was pervasive, and it was also affecting her home life. Her husband was tired of her not being home for dinner and not participating in making plans for the weekends.

The antidote for transition troubles is to first identify the struggle, understand the underlying ADHD causes, and develop strategies to minimize the brain’s startle response. Strategies for making smoother transitions focus on making the transition more gradual and lessening the panic. Many of my clients have adapted the following strategies to their particular needs:

Recognize the problem

Know that you struggle with transitions, and take time to determine the causes of it. Whether it’s difficulty going from work to home, or adjusting to guests in the house, there are always ways to make life more manageable. Develop strategies to make your life, and the lives of those around you, less stressful.

Use the Power of Visualization

When making transitions, no matter how big or small, do “dry runs” in your head. Visualize every detail you can in making the transition. Sketch out times for ending each activity and starting the next. You need not follow the times exactly, but have an idea of when you will need to be switching gears. Visualize each action in as much detail as possible. See yourself moving from one activity to the next.

Learn to Let Go

To transition successfully from one project to another, you need to learn to “let go” of the first and move on to the next. Many of my clients are perfectionists when it’s time to move on to another project, and they find it hard to wrap up what they’ve been doing. If you do this, set a specific stop time, then allow yourself 15 more minutes. No more! You can go back to the first project later, but the idea is to keep moving forward.

Plan Ahead

Always plan out the next day before going to bed. This way you’ll have in your mind what you are going to do, when, and how. You will wake up more directed and centered.

In order to have smoother transitions, you must be able to see beyond the moment. I even suggest to clients to sketch out detailed plans for three days at a time. This can help you (1) see more clearly what is coming up and (2) identify priority items. Remove items from your schedule that can wait, and adjust accordingly when “unexpected” things crop up.

Create a “Wind-Down” Routine for Transitions

This strategy is particularly useful for those who have assistants. Ask your assistant to call you two hours before your scheduled meeting. Have him or her call again an hour and a half before, and then an hour before, telling you exactly how long you have until the meeting.

If you don’t have an assistant, use a stopwatch and set “wind down” goals for each time juncture. For example, two hours before your meeting, start wrapping up whatever you’re working on; an hour and a half before, prepare your files for the meeting; an hour before, finish everything you need for the meeting. If necessary, write out this plan on paper with designated times, and check off each step as it comes up.

Separate the set-up from the task

If you are having difficulty approaching a project, your coach can help you learn to set up for the task before actually beginning it. Set-up is usually brief--10 minutes or less—and is done as a separate activity in advance--the night before or before a break which precedes beginning the actual task. This helps eliminate the confused feeling of “Where do I start?” For example, the set-up for cleaning your desk might be setting out file folders and putting them next to the desk; the set-up for ironing is getting out the ironing board and laying out the clothes to be ironed. Doing the set-up as a separate task can break through the grip of procrastination, giving you the mind-set of being ready to begin. This strategy can be very effective if you are facing a particularly anxiety-provoking task.

Make it a routine

Turn tedious chores into a routine. Lay out your clothes for the next day the night before. Make sure your presentation for tomorrow’s meeting is saved on your laptop. The little things you do today, pay off tomorrow.

Stay a step ahead of yourself

Know your tendencies. Do you find yourself checking your e-mail five minutes before you have to leave the office—and winding up returning 20 e-mails you should have left for the next morning? Shutting down your computer a half hour before you plan to leave might solve the problem. Recognize what gets you in trouble, and find preventative strategies to bail you out.

By understanding that her challenges with transitions was due to her ADHD, Judy was able to identify the situations that triggered problems and devise practical solutions to help her move more smoothly through her day.

Nancy A. Ratey, Ed.M., MCC is a strategic life coach specializing in coaching professionals with ADHD. Nancy lives in Charlestown, Massachusetts.

Stress Less! Coaching Tips to Turn AD/HD Chaos to Calm

In our fast-paced world, we all experience stress and find our own ways to minimize it. For a person with ADHD, normal daily stress becomes debilitating. This is mostly due to the way the ADHD brain is wired. Because our brains have a faulty attention system, they are unable to slow down, block out, or prioritize stimuli. What’s more, adults with ADHD, especially when it has gone undiagnosed, often have poor self-esteem. They dwell on past failures or feel as if they haven’t lived up to their potential and expectations, or those of others. This causes them to approach situations pessimistically or to avoid tasks altogether, increasing their stress levels.

So why are many people with ADHD known as “stress junkies?” In my coaching practice, I see many clients who wait until the last minute to finish a project or to leave the house for an appointment. They can’t say no, and take on too much responsibility at work or in their social life. Creating these pressure-filled situations has served them well by helping stimulate their under-aroused ADHD brain. But the repercussions can take a toll on their health, adversely impact their family life, and put their job at risk. Talk about stress!

When Janice first came to see me, she was about to lose her job: She was often late for meetings, and she wasn’t prepared once she arrived. Her stress was so high she would break out into hives and couldn’t sleep at night. She was frustrated by the fact that she couldn’t get things done unless she had a gun to her head. She admitted to me that she would have been fired a long time ago if she hadn’t been quick on her feet.

As we talked, Janice learned why she waited until the last minute—the eleventh-hour pressure stimulated her ADHD brain, enabling her to finish the job. She also recognized that she continually fooled herself into believing that “I could pull it off this time,” only to fall short again. Her brain would get stuck in the moment, causing her to forget the past consequences of her actions and her present goal of not repeating those self-defeating behaviors.

We developed a middle-ground strategy. Because Janice needs a certain amount of pressure to jump-start her brain, she set up false deadlines with her boss to help her divide projects into smaller pieces. By doing this, it was easier to chunk down the project instead of waiting until the last minute to finish the whole thing.

I have other clients whose brains don’t have “brakes.” This causes them to over-respond to everyday situations. Simple things—transitioning from one task to the next, going from work to home, packing for a vacation— result in “mini-panics.”

One of my clients, George, struggles with transitions, especially leaving the office to go home. He lives close to his job, so his commute time is short. Within minutes of arriving home, his wife, Helen, asks George to help her with the kids or to assist in another task. George, still unwinding from the pressures of the job, is overwhelmed and storms out of the house. All these arguments have put their marriage on the rocks. Helen sees George’s behavior as resistance to helping around the house. George feels guilty and demeaned.

George and I worked on solutions. He now walks home from his office, so he can decompress from his day’s work. Helen smoothes the transition by calling his cell phone or e-mailing him with things that need to get done when he arrives home. George can visualize what will be expected of him before he walks in the door. The end result? Less stress for all.

People with ADHD already spend a lot of time and energy compensating for their neurobiology, so they have less of both to combat stressors in healthy ways. This ongoing pressure from all sides can result in chronic stress, which can harm the body and brain, create hopelessness, and lead to substance abuse. A person with ADHD needs to develop appropriate strategies to manage stress. Here are some that work for my clients. Maybe they’ll work for you!

Acknowledge Your ADHD

Understand and accept that your neurobiology is different. If you don’t know how your ADHD affects you, you can’t work on ways to help yourself fend off stress.

Keep Your Brain in Shape!

Exercise! Exercise! Exercise! It’s key to peak mental performance, and to gaining focus and control! Don’t skip it, ever. Physical activity delivers lots of benefits: It can make you feel good, look good, and promote longevity. It is also good for your brain, increasing beneficial neurotransmitters and other chemicals that help the brain work at its best. If your brain is frequently overwhelmed, keeping it in shape will enable you to better handle what life throws at you.

Make Structure Your Friend

Plan out the next day before going to bed. You will wake up more directed, centered, and be better prepared for any transitions or curve balls thrown your way.

Observe Yourself

People with ADHD are not good self-observers. This often results in not knowing you are stressed and burned out until after you get sick. Be aware of your body and how you feel. Pulling all-nighters won’t help you; it will only compromise your performance.

Remain Vigilant

One of the hallmarks of ADHD is forgetting that you have the condition and thinking you don’t need strategies and structures to improve your wellbeing and combat stress. Wrong. Send reminders to yourself, post notes, and ask friends and family to reinforce the importance of using strategies. And don’t let down your guard!

Take Time to Play—Recess for the Mind!

Slot down time, play time, “you” time into your planner, just as you would a deadline for a report that is due at work. Read, eat cookies, journal, do art, sit on the floor of a bookstore and talk, change your location, cook—whatever. Do what you love without guilt. The cost benefit of not taking breaks from today’s ultra-busy lifestyle sets you up for burnout and loss of control.

Create Book Ends

Get up and go to bed at the same time each day. Establishing regular body rhythms, as well as predictability and consistency in your schedule, will help increase efficiency and reduce overwhelm and stress.

Think in Terms of Three’s

Ask yourself which three pressing items you can complete that will give you a sense of accomplishment. They do not have to be big items. Returning a phone call, filing several papers, and filling up your car with gas will do. Write them down and keep the list in front of you. Cross off each task as you complete it. Then move on to the next three items.

Stop Avoiding

A well-known author once told me, “You become the first thing you do in the morning. If you want to be a writer, write.” People in general know what they leave to last or what they are avoiding and it’s generally the most important task! Post a note by your computer asking, “What am I avoiding right now?” Then do it first. That is the first step is gaining control!

Park It

Distracted by random thoughts? Write them down on a piece of notepaper, so you can stay focused on the task at hand. You will reduce the noise in your head, and can go back to these items later. I have found that these distractions are often not priority items.

Create Boundaries

Give yourself permission to ignore “shoulds”—those imposed by other people and those imposed by you. Learn to say no. Ask yourself, “If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?”

Try these tips and I’m sure your life will become calmer and more fulfilling.

Until next time!

Warmly, Nancy

Strategies for Those Living Without the “H” in ADHD

I was excited when Nancy asked me to be the guest blogger this month to blog about inattentive ADHD. So often it is not recognized, and yet it impacts lives as much as ADHD does in general. I am pleased to be giving this topic a small amount of the attention it deserves!

I first want to make a distinction: this is not about inattention as a symptom but about predominantly inattentive ADHD. Understanding and thriving with inattentive ADHD requires its own set of strategies that overlap with strategies for the general ADHD population but depart from them as well. I write and think a lot about the inattentive experience, and while it is unique for each person, I can offer some general strategies that can help to build a center and understand this experience and create a path to thrive with it. These strategies are meant to offer a starting point to living with, and beginning to thrive with inattentive ADHD.

1. Understand that you and your experience are different from that of people “with the H” in ADHD. Many of my coaching clients have said to me that

• They don’t recognize themselves in the books they have read about ADHD.

• They don’t easily relate to very hyperactive people with ADHD

• Hyperactive people may overwhelm them

The strategy here is to acknowledge and validate for yourself that neither are you that person people immediately spot with ADHD nor is your set of challenges the same.

Read about ADHD and compare yourself; acknowledge where you are the same or you are very different from what is described. The end result will be a much better awareness of your ADHD and how you work. Look at examples of our cultural understanding of ADHD and see how you fit and how you don’t.

Some ADHD experts and researchers have even proposed that “predominantly inattentive” ADHD be redefined as separate disorder. I am not here to argue the case one way or the other, and I certainly see overlap in the hyperactive and non-hyperactive (which I will get to some more later) but to point out that this suggests that your experience will indeed be very different from your hyperactive peers.

2. Understand that the inattentive experience is largely invisible to others.

As new as our limited understanding of (especially adult) ADHD is, our understanding of the inattentive side of things is that much newer and more limited. Just as people may not have picked you out as having ADHD because you are not hyper, and were not disruptive as a child in school, etc, etc, your experience and challenges are invisible and unfamiliar to other people. But this is not just because it is newer to our understanding; it is also because people can’t see what is going on inside your head. And often times, for the inattentive ADHDer, that is the only place ADHD is visible. Because of that, it is important that you get a good picture of what’s going on for you. That if other people don’t see it, or even don’t understand when you explain it, that you know what your ADHD looks like; know how it affects you; know when it feels like it is who you are and when it feels like it is getting in the way of who you are.

3. Know when your mind is “hyperactive” or “hypoactive.”

Since our experiences of ADHD are different and are tied into so many aspects of our lives, it is hard to pinpoint strategies (and struggles) in a nutshell. But one I often like to start with in people with inattentive ADHD is what I call the hyperactive mind (or on the flipside, the hypoactive mind).

Do your thoughts proliferate and travel along paths unfocused by you? To me this seems the parallel to physical hyperactivity. Know if this is something that happens to you. Know when and how it happens. Practice stepping back. Or does your mind go too slow, like you can’t get it going? The same self-knowledge is key. Some people report a hyperactive mental experience; some a hypoactive one; and some report both. The core here is lack of control of focus or attention (as in all ADHD) and this includes your internal experience.

As you build awareness you can build strategies to work with, prevent, and respond to what happens in your internal experience. It is only the beginning of thriving with inattentive ADHD, but it is a needed start.

Becca Colao, MA, ACT, SCAC, lives and coaches in Waltham, MA. She specializes in inattentive ADHD and regularly writes about it at http://www.thinkythink.com/. She can be contacted at becca@coachbecca.com.

Feels Like Spring! Is it time to get organized?

Feels Like Spring!
Is it time to get organized?

Guest blog entry by Kathy Peterson

When I started coaching people with ADHD 15 years ago, I noticed that many of my clients struggled to get organized. I wanted to help them. Even though I have ADHD, too, getting organized is easy for me. It has been an important compensatory strategy for me in dealing with my attentional issues.

I realized that when my clients try to organize their physical environment, it is very helpful if I participate with them at their home or office. When we do this work together, my client learns organizing skills, which are best acquired by doing. After all, people with ADHD often learn best experientially.

Many people with ADHD find it hard to get and remain organized. Here’s why:

• They find it hard to manage time and tasks. They often leave items out on the counter, desk or floor to remind themselves of tasks that need to be done. Over time, this can lead to a very cluttered environment.
• They often multitask, which can lead to disorganization, especially in one’s office.
• They often move impulsively from task to task, never finishing any of them. Chaos can follow in their wake.
• Some grow up in a chaotic household, with one or both parents having ADHD and possibly substance abuse problems. They don’t know what it’s like to live in an organized environment.
• They often struggle to make decisions and follow through with plans. Indecision leads to disorganization and problems with clutter.

Another barrier to getting organized is “black and white” thinking: in other words, in order to be organized, all systems have to be perfect. A person with this mindset may alphabetize cooking spices and CDs, line up shoes neatly in the closet, and divide files into precise categories. The problem is rigid systems can be hard to follow. Organizational systems need to be simple and flexible in order to work over the long haul. It is important to find a middle ground, and not to strive for perfect order.

The point of organizing your space is to have it work for you. There isn’t one right way. The space should be easy to move around in, visually pleasing (based on your tastes), and tailored to the activities that take place there. You should be able to put things away easily and to find them at a moment’s notice.

One thing you should understand: Being disorganized is not a moral failing. Organizing is a skill that is easier for some to acquire than others. The good news is you can get help to learn these skills, and employ them to meet your needs, as well as those of coworkers and family.

Many people are ashamed about being unable to deal with clutter on their own. They often feel judged by others and judge themselves harshly for their deficiencies. I feel their pain. If you want to learn the skills that will help you get organized, you may need to work with a professional organizer. A good organizer will not only help you reduce the clutter but also help you overcome your feelings of being judged.

You and the organizer are a team. As you sort through the clutter, the organizer helps you figure out which things you value and want to keep in your life. This can take many hours over several weeks. During this process, you and the professional organizer will establish new organizing systems. You will practice new ways of doing things between organizing sessions, and the organizer will check in with you on how systems are working. The organizer will also modify the systems, if they are not working.

Here’s how the organizer-client relationship works:

Step 1: As you work with an organizer, she will want to understand the following:

• What is the goal? What has precipitated your desire to get organized? How do you want to use this space? Create a vision for the desired result, in terms of function and appearance.
• What systems are working—and not working? Often one can’t tell by just looking at the space how functional it is. Some spaces look great when you walk in, but then you discover that things have been jammed into drawers and closet shelves to get them out of the way. The reverse can be true, too.
• What factors contributed to the disorganization?
• What have you done to get organized, and with what results?
• What are your preferences for visual stimulation? Many people feel that if things are put away in drawers and behind closet doors that they have gone missing. For them, if it’s out of sight, it’s out of mind. However, leaving everything in view is often too stimulating and makes it difficult for the client to focus. Others find that a simple, calm visual environment works best for them.

Step 2: Now you and the organizer are ready to dive in and work through the clutter—papers, clothing, and objects of all kinds. You start in one room, or a small corner of one room, and sort the mess into a few broad categories: Keep, Donate, Throw Away. The organizer doesn’t push you to get rid of things at this point. You may eventually discover that you have many of the same items—10 pairs of black slacks or a dozen snow shovels—and the organizer may suggest you keep only your favorites.

It takes time to go through accumulated stuff, but client and organizer learn a lot as they do it. The team works on chunks of the project at a time, so that they can put things away in between sessions. Also, if you are ready and willing, the organizer will identify tasks you can do on your own to speed the process along and save money.

Step 3: Once you know what stuff you want to keep, you and the organizer think about function. The goal is to store things close to where they are used, making it easy to access and put them away. In some cases, you may need to purchase furniture or containers for storing items. It is best to know what you want to store, and where, before doing so.

Step 4: You and the organizer may label and/or create routines to support you in maintaining your newly organized space. Maintaining your space with the systems that have been put in place is important. During the weeks of working together with an organizer, the client practices putting things away and using systems and routines for the flow of items and information. If needed, the organizer will improve the systems and routines to help them work even better for you. An ADHD coach may help you with accountability, and you may schedule maintenance sessions with your organizer.

To get organized, your first step is to acknowledge that disorganization is causing problems, and that you are willing to work on finding solutions. There is hope. With effort on your part and by partnering with a professional organizer—possibly in combination with a coach—you can learn the skills to de-clutter your life.

ABOUT KATHY PETERSON

Kathy Peterson has been coaching adults and college students with ADHD since 1994. She also works as a professional organizer with a small number of clients. Kathy has a BS degree from Columbia University. Kathy had a successful career in corporate sales and marketing before becoming a coach. Kathy received life coach training from the Coaches Training Institute (CTI), and ADHD coach training from the National Coaching Network with Nancy Ratey and Sue Sussman, co-founders of the ADHD coaching field. She lives and works in the Boston area.
For more information visit www.petersoncoaching.com .

RESOURCES

To find a professional organizer near you, contact:

National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization (NSGCD; www.nsgcd.org)

National Association of Professional Organizers (NAPO; www.napo.net )

Books to Read

ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life, by Judith Kolberg and Kathleen Nadeau, Ph.D.

Conquering Chronic Disorganization, by Judith Kolberg

Jumping Jack: How Coaching Can Help Curb Impulsivity

Jumping Jack: How Coaching Can Help Curb Impulsivity

Jack told his friends he left his corporate job as a salesman to start his own business, but the truth was that he was fired for swearing at his boss. This was not the first time he had done something like this. In fact, he lost several jobs for cursing or telling someone off. Although he was always seen as a valued employee for his out-of-the-box thinking, his impulsive behaviors undercut the company’s high opinion of his abilities.

Impulsivity and erratic behavior also took a toll on his personal relationships. His friends no longer invited him over for get-togethers, fearing that he would insult their spouses or say something outrageous in front of their kids. Jack’s wife was at her wit’s end. She was tired of all his excuses for losing jobs and friendships. But mostly, she was fed up with his unpredictable behavior. Jack’s litany of “I’m sorry’s” didn’t cut it for her any more.

Jack’s impulsivity affected every facet of his life—he jumped from project to project, task to task, and acted on thoughts that just popped in his head. If he drove past Home Depot, for example, he would stop and shop, thinking, “I wonder if there is a sale on lumber? I’ve wanted to build a deck for years!”

To a person without ADHD, Jack’s story might seem made up or exaggerated. Believe me, it isn’t. Such impulsivity is a challenge for many of my ADHD coaching clients. Jack might exhibit impulsivity differently than some other clients, but the consequences and outcomes are the same—the pain of feeling out of control.

Jack sought my coaching services shortly after his son was diagnosed with ADHD. Jack noticed that he struggled with some of the same behaviors as his son. He also saw that medication helped his son manage his symptoms. Jack’s wife, Linda, suggested Jack talk to a specialist about his challenges. After an evaluation, Jack was diagnosed with ADHD. His doctor advised that he work with a coach, along with taking ADHD medication, to learn strategies to improve his focus and to stay in control.

In the initial coaching intake, Jack told me that he knew ADHD was causing his struggles, yet he didn’t know how to stop himself before he, as he describes it, “jumped” into the fire. Although impulsivity can be one of the most difficult ADHD symptoms to manage, medication and coaching can be effective in helping a client take control of them. Acknowledging that there is a problem—and having a strong desire to change—is a key component to making progress.

Jack found it difficult to admit that his impulsivity was a problem. It was part of what had made him such a successful salesman: He was a risk taker and a dynamo, pushing forward to close the deal when others would hesitate. He also saw himself as a “truth teller.” He told me, “Hey, I told my boss he was an idiot because he was making a bad business decision!” As we talked, Jack realized that insulting his boss, no matter how true his words, was never a good move. He desperately wanted to learn ways to be more aware of, and to better manage, the negative aspects of his impulsivity.

Medication gave Jack the ability to slow down and to take stock of what he was doing before acting rashly. But he needed strategies to stop himself long enough to consider alternative actions—to consistently control his impulses.

Many coaching strategies can help clients accomplish this, but as with all successful client-coach relationships, those strategies need to come from the client. Jack and I discussed in detail the situations in which he acted impulsively, and we developed strategies to do slow down and to evaluate the potential consequences of his actions.

It’s important to remember that coaching is not one size fits all, so what worked for Jack might not work for you.

1) One of the keys to reining in impulsivity is being able to self-observe. Jack came up with the idea of going through the day as if a camera were monitoring him. He called it his “third eye.” This helped him to be more conscious of his actions.

2) Jack also discovered that using a mantra helped him slow down. During the day he would say to himself, “Do not engage.” Or he’d ask himself, “What will the consequences of my actions be?” or “Is this what I really want to be doing right now?” This allowed him to stop for a second and evaluate the potential consequences of his actions—getting fired, getting divorced, offending a friend.

3) To curb his urge to “do it now,” he learned to park his thought. He would write down the thought he was about to act on in a notebook, or he would text it to himself on his cell phone or call in to his voice mail. This simple act of writing or calling helped him from acting rashly.

4) Jack frequently flew off the handle when talking with friends or colleagues. To prevent flare-ups, I suggested he form a “committee of trusted advisors” to whom he could vent—in person or on the phone. This allowed him to get over his impulsive anger without feeling the need to follow through on actions.

5) Through discussion, Jack and I were able to identify some of the triggers of his impulsivity—instances in which someone didn’t see things his way would upset him—and put plans in place for alternative actions. He realized that taking a short break—a brief walk or a trip to the men’s room—gave him the time to reconsider what to do—or not do.

Over time, and through continued accountability to me, Jack learned to stop, create space between his thoughts and his actions, and consider the consequences. He also learned to remember the pain that his impulsive actions had caused him in the past and to keep his goal in mind: to be more in control of his impulsive behaviors and eventually to learn to manage them himself.

Until next time!

Warmly, Nancy